Dear Zeda,
I am in my late 20s and have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. He makes three times what I make but he is constantly complaining about spending money on me. I don’t make big demands and I let him decide where our dates will be, but he spends the date complaining about how expensive the bill is. I have tried to push for dates in less expensive places, but he insists on picking expensive places. I don’t even eat much on dates anymore because it’s become so stressful. Worse still, he gets angry when I volunteer to pay. Worst of all, he is constantly talking about women he has dated in the past and how much money he enjoyed spending on them. It’s way more than he spends on me. I am starting to wonder if he thinks I am not worth it. – Frustrated girlfriend
Dear Frustrated girlfriend,
I am terribly sorry. No one should be made to feel like they’re not worth the effort. Your boyfriend clearly has serious hang-ups when it comes to money. He perhaps has had women who were only with him for his money or he feels his worth is tied to his ability to provide. It still doesn’t excuse this kind of behavior. I would suggest you have an honest talk with him and let him know how you feel. Attitudes towards money are a big deal and so many relationships fall apart because of lack of honesty around money. It is pretty concerning that he does not see that it is incredibly disrespectful to essentially brag about his money spending habits on other women to you especially while complaining about spending on you. If perhaps he is going through a hard time financially and is not being honest with you, he needs to be honest. If he finds it difficult to be honest, it might be a bad sign as 8 months is long enough for him to be able to trust you. If you are unable to come to a consensus on this, you may have to end this relationship as this is a slippery path that will lead to a bad ending.
To have your Ask Zeda questions answered, email hi@zedamagazine.com
