Dear Zeda,
I got pregnant when I was 21 by my then boyfriend. We were in the same university and had been on and off since high school. After I got pregnant, he broke up with me and claimed that I was trying to trap him. His family also disowned the baby. I moved on with my life and have brought up my son without his father. My son is now 7 and his father wants to be part our lives. He claims he’s changed and he realizes he made a mistake and wants to make amends. He’s offered to not only pay fees but my other bills and upkeep. I’m afraid if I give him another chance he’ll only disappoint us. – P
Dear P,
I am sorry you had to go through that. Congratulations on being able to successfully parent your son even after that. Do people change? Sometimes. It’s possible that he has seen the error of his ways and grown up. Your son does deserve to know his father and I think you should give him the opportunity. From your letter, I can’t quite tell if he is looking for a romantic reconnection with you? Here is where I’d say you exercise extreme caution. As tempting as it may be to rush back into his arms, set ground rules. I suggest writing down all the things he says he is going to pay for and having it as a signed agreement to prove he’s serious. Also, schedule days for him to spend time with his son and insist on commitment to these. How does his family feel about this change of heart? If he is in your child’s life, they will have to be as well, and you should make sure there is a recognition of your child. I sincerely wish you the best and I hope he proves to be genuine. If not, be ready to protect your son as rejection or disappointment from his father could be difficult to process. All the best!
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