Your parents might be independent now, but that might not be the case for long. As they age they’ll need more support from you. Being a caregiver can be emotionally, financially and even physically daunting. That’s why deliberate planning is required.
When it comes to accommodation, your parents could either live in their own home, with you or in a nursing home. Each of these options come with challenges. Living alone might harbour feelings of abandonment and loneliness especially if there aren’t other relatives around. Living with you brings guilt on both your side and theirs.
After years of being independent, your parents feel awkward relying on you for help now. They’re adjusting to a new phase of life and this takes time. When you’re due for a vacation after working hard at your job and looking after your parents, they might guilt-trip you into staying at home. They feel like you’re placing more value on the vacation than them. You may also wonder sometimes whether your efforts in taking care of them are enough, or if you are missing out.
This guilt is normal since everyone wants the best for themselves without inconveniencing the other party. Just do your best and let your parents know you are available for any support they need. Take that vacation, give yourself a break and rejuvenate. Don’t be too hard on yourself. After all, you can’t give from an empty vessel. Have a relative over to take care of your parents during that time if needed.
If your parents live in their own home or a nursing home, visit them regularly. This keeps the feelings of abandonment at bay. Take some gifts with you. Spruce up their house and handle the chores. Even the smallest gestures can mean so much to them. In between visits, call to find out how they are doing.
Visits don’t always have to be planned. Organise a surprise with other family members. It could be a simple visit or you could go all out and have a party. Your parents’ wedding anniversary or birthday is a perfect opportunity for this. Apart from the music, food and photos, let them know verbally that you appreciate them.
