Grief and loss are hard on the individual. Most grief coping messages are indeed focused on the individual. We rarely think about how it affects families as a whole. Yet for the healing process to be wholesome, a wider perspective needs to be considered.
When loss strikes a family, grief affects members’ roles as they try to cope with the situation. This creates tension in the home. For instance, couples will find themselves on opposite sides. Men usually avoid confronting such feelings head-on. They turn to work and hobbies to take their minds off things. Women, however, are open about their emotions and tend to talk more about what they’re going through. The wife feels neglected when her husband declines to talk about the situation.
Children suffer too since the parents are emotionally distant. Parents lose their grip on authority, finding it hard to maintain order in the home. Siblings tend to ignore or minimise each other’s grief. Older children feel they have to step up and be strong for the younger ones. All this is because grief cannot be shared. Everyone has to confront their emotions personally.
Grief brings out different emotions in each person, such as worry, anger, numbness, loneliness, depression, questioning faith, anxiety, among others. When a family member reacts to a loss differently from you, you might feel they should just shake it off. Feelings of isolation creep in when your loved ones don’t understand your way of grieving.
Despite this reality, families that work together can achieve wholesome healing. Children should be helped to identify and process what they feel. Ignoring emotions won’t make them go away- it only leads to confusion and even resentment. Couples should deliberately be there for and listen to each other. Don’t condemn your partner for how they choose to grieve. If as a parent you find yourself overwhelmed, have someone you can trust take care of the kids for a while until you’re back on your feet.
