You’ve met this amazing person and you’ve clicked with them effortlessly. You’ve known each other for a while now and feel like you can make a good couple. Taking it to the next level seems like a good idea. However, they have a child/ children and aren’t sure how to handle that aspect should you proceed. What do you do?
When your love interest has a child, you may tend to over-help. Concern is good but when overdone it comes across as being too eager to please, especially when the relationship is in the early stages. Let your partner know you are willing to help with the child’s upkeep. They will appreciate this and you won’t appear to be imposing.
Ease into relating with the child/ children. They are probably still dealing with negative emotions from their parents going separate ways. They feel the need to protect their parent from being hurt again. They may fear that you’ll leave, just like the ex. Give the child time to warm up to you naturally. Forcing things only breeds resistance. Avoid saying anything negative about the ex in the child’s presence.
Keep a positive attitude. Dating someone with kids comes with more challenges than normal relationships, but it’s possible. You might have to put in more work- prepare yourself mentally for that.
Recognise that your partner will have a bit of worry as well. They don’t want to scare you off with extra responsibility towards the children. They are also anxious about whether the kids will get along with you. Create a safe space for your partner to share their concerns and expectations. Assure them of your support, and share your concerns too. This way, both your views are appreciated.
You may find yourself discouraged by the thought that you might not gel as much with kids who aren’t yours. Just remind yourself that love takes time to grow. Keep showing them that you are reliable and genuinely care- the rest will flow.
